Here’s the sketch:

- This will be a race for points on the alleycat league table.
- The checkpoints are worth 80 points in total. You must get a minimum of 50 points to get your name on the league table.
- Generally, the checkpoints that are furthest from the city centre are worth double the value of the checkpoints closest from the city centre.
- There is a penalty of 20 points for being late.
- There’s a bonus of 20 extra points for returning with all the checkpoints before the time limit.
- There are 50, 30 and 20 bonus points for 1st, 2nd and 3rd riders to return with all the checkpoints, before the time limit.

There is an optional entry fee, which goes towards a mystery prize for the winner. Obviously, only those who have paid will be eligible to win the prize.

Igor, Anthony, Rob, Alex

Chris & Dave

Since everyone arrived at the finish line after the time limit (Ade got there only seconds later), everyone was disqualified, so I kept all the prize money and spent it on beer the time limit was discarded.

Adrian (winner)

Rob & Fritz (3rd & 2nd)

The Checkpoints

The route was of a medium length – some people had cycle computers and reported doing about eleven miles. Due to the position of the checkpoints in relation to the start and the finish, it is difficult to judge which checkpoint to go to first in order to take the shortest route, but I probably would have gone to Woodview Drive first. Here are the checkpoints on Google:

click map for bigger image – opens in a new window

Obviously Google’s default route isn’t the shortest, because it fails to use the smaller roads. Google says 12.6 miles – I reckon it’s possible to knock at least two miles off that if you take more direct routes between each checkpoint.

Results

Results & Prizes & Points in the Alleycat League:

1. Ade of Sprocket – £8 – 50pts
2. Fritz of Bearwood & Dead Offenders £6 – 30pts
3. Rob of Tilling – £2 – 20pts

Can’t remember the order of the rest of the entrants, so in no particular order:

Chris C of Wolves
Dave of Knowle
Alex ex-Sustrans
Ben of Sutton Coldfield
Rob T

Also in appearance:

Igor
Anthony

Next race will be on a Saturday at about 1pm, free entry and it will be for points in the league rather than a proper prize. Hopefully it will end with some easy listening music that might suit more people’s tastes than blastbeat hardcore…. see yous next time.

You will need £2, a digital camera or a camera phone, and an A-Z for this one. You may enter on any type of pedal-powered, non-motor-assisted bicycle. There will be approximately ten checkpoints in Birmingham city centre. It is possible that there will be a map with all the checkpoints marked on it.

The prize will depend on the number of people who show up;

• fewer than 10 riders: winner takes all
• ten or more riders: a 50/30/20 split between first, second and third place.

We will meet on the paved area underneath the bridge outside the Mailbox at 6pm, and after a short warmup ride we will migrate to the start point. At the start point, riders must line their bikes up against a wall. They must then stand behind a line next to the opposing wall while a checkpoint sheet is attatched to each bike. A bell will be rung, at which point the race will start.

The winner is the first person to return to the finish point with a fully completed checkpoint sheet. Any rider who returns without completing their checkpoint sheet will be disqualified. Any rider who does not wish to return to the finish point must notify the race organiser.

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RIDE CAREFULLY, RIDE SENSIBLY, BE VISIBLE, STOP AT RED LIGHTS, DON’T TAKE STUPID RISKS. WEAR A HELMET.

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If you participate in this event, you agree that you are over 18 years of age, you agree to take full responsibility for:

• any injury, loss or damage that may occur to yourself or your property, as a result of your participation in this event.
• any injury, loss or damage that you cause to any other person or their property, as a result of your participation in this event.

I don’t think there are any pictures of the racing, because the digital camera is shit and cannot take action photos in the dark. There was no way I was bringing my fillum camera, it would have frozen or something, but never mind that:

I was bladdy surprised to see 13 people turn up, and I was also pissed off that my mask was rubbish, what a waste of £3. We had a bit of police attention, but luckily they weren’t interested and soon disappeared. Anyway, once everyone was present we went up to Smith Street car park to do the trackstand comp. Not everyone could trackstand so the comp didn’t last long and it didn’t get past the one-hand stage. Shamim won it, and recieved a few prizes from Bagaboo.

Next it was the elimination race AKA devil takes the hindmost. We had a bit more police attention while the race was going on, but I don’t think they actually saw the guys racing despite the fact that they were driving along the final straight (well it was actually bent but that’s not important). Anyway – they soon disappeared. The race was fast and exciting, and in my excitement I made a slight error about who was last on one of the laps, but never mind, it was clear that Brakeless Brooklyn Badboy Dan (real name Dave) from Knowle was gonna win it. He is now the proud owner of a House of Pistard t-shirt which can only be owned by race winners.

The final race was a sprint comp, which was awesome, there were 12 contestants, who raced in sets of 3. Shamim, Ben and Mike D were first, and surprisingly to me Shamim murdered them. Next up was Mike Tucker, Harsheek and Dan Goode. Dan killed these guys, and he was riding so strongly that I was actually a bit scared, and I think I wee’d my pants a bit. My money was on him winning it. The next three contestants were Dan (real name Dave) from Knowle, and two riders new to the Brum fixe ‘scene’, Paul and Andy. It was good to see some new faces, and as it happened, Dan (Dave) trampled on them. Lastly we had Dan from On Yer Bike, Nick from Wolverhampton, and Gavin ‘Blacksmile’. Dan won on his new On-One Pompino, which proves that a new bike will make you faster.

So, next, heat 1 winner Shammim vs heat 2 winner Dan Goode. In this case Dan G won, and it was clear that whoever was up against him in the final was going to have to work hard. That person was Dan OYB, having beat Brakeless Badboy Dave.

The final, Dan G versus Dan OYB. It was pretty close, but I could see Dan OYB running out of fuel as he came around the corner, and Dan G took the prize, an Archies Grobags mashton’s pocket thingumyjigga:

Mike Tucker won the HOP/Archies collaboration DFL bag for being last in the elimination race. That must be the easiest prize ever won!

So, a good night was had by all, and some people went to the pub afterwards, Ben broke his pedal somehow, and err… that’s about it really. More photos might be coming soonish….

- This is only a small race, no bells no whistles, in fact barely any organization whatsoever. So don’t expect anything more than a really fast ride on a cold, dark, possibly wet Friday night in Birmingham. Ok so ideally it would be a warm, dry summer evening, but come on, it’ll be fun, represent the Birmingham fix-up massive!

- Bring a camera, bring lights, bring warm clothes and gloves, and bring a couple of (warm) beers.

- Wear a scary costume. Whoever wears the best costume wins a prize of some sort.

- So far there are a couple of small prizes from Bagaboo.

- Some prizes from House of Pistard and Archie’s Gro Bags might be coming too. Watch this space.

- Events planned are: devil takes the hindmost race, trackstand comp, and a sprint comp. No skid comp cos I don’t want to encourage tyre wasteage.

- Adrian from Sprocket Cycles (who provided the alleycat prizes) says he is going to enter. On his badass Corima track bike with super-wide handlebars, which I’ll post a picture of soon.

- Don’t worry if you live far away; you should be able to get the last train back from Birmingham New Street after the race.

- IT’S GONNA BE FUN!!!

8.15ish… Gory, Gruesome Group ride starting from Scruffy’s – pretty fast – all riders welcome. Dress in halloween costume!

later… Devil takes the hindmost race @ secret location – fixed gear entry only (come and watch if you don’t have a fixed wheel bike).

even later… trackstand competition. sprint competition. possibly a hill climb competition.

later still… THE PUB. Drinking and prizegiving.

Special thanks to Adrian of Sprocket Cycles for donating prizes. Molto grazie!!!

Photos & Videos coming soon

Results:

Graham ‘Guinea Pig’ Wotsisface: – 215pt – 1st place (extra 30pts for getting back first)

Harsheek/Mike – 200pt – joint 2nd place (2-man team)

Dan ‘Newso’ – 185pt – joint 3rd

Rob Tilling – 185pt – joint 3rd

Mike Tucker – 120pt – 4th (extra 20pt for getting back 2nd)

Alex Sustrans – 75pt – joint 5th (extra 10pt – got back 3rd)

Ben O’brien – 75pt – joint 5th

Shamim – 40pt – joint 6th (-80pt for getting back over 30mins late)

Davey C of Knowle, who I kept calling ‘Dan’ – 40pt – joint 6th (punctured, and slightly held up by Chris)

brum's burning

Date TBC, but will most likely be Saturday 13th September 1pm at Allison Street (near Sprocket Cycles*)

*this ‘race’ is in no way connected to, affiliated with, sponsored by, or other way associated with Sprocket Cycles.